[Mark21]

Guys, looking for any ideas. Here is the background.

While I have a 6-year old, this is actually for a trip that I want to take with my own father (turned 79 last week). Known the man my whole life, but really don't know him, if that makes sense. He's the essential 50s-style parent: he worked his ass off, he never showed much emotion, and was an amazing father. But he just never talked much.

Only recently have stories start to pop up (usually from relatives) about how my dad's cousins were shot and killed in front of him during WWII, how he was in a Nazi labor camp at age 13, how he came over to the US after being freed during the war by British soldiers without knowing any English or having any money, etc... Just mind-blowing stuff that I never knew about.

So I thought I better get to know the man before it is too late and all I have is regrets. I'm thinking a week-long road trip somewhere in the Midwest. As I said, the man is stoic, so he doesn't really have hobbies. I have a feeling if I took him shooting, he'd do it as a favor for me, not to enjoy himself. But maybe a week of activities, such as shooting, maybe some fishing, etc would provide a lot of time to talk and learn. And by making it a road trip, that also opens up a lot of time to talk as well.

Any ideas? Anyone ever do something like this? Appreciate any and all thoughts!

 

[paulosantos]

Would your Mom be able to help with ideas?

 

[Jamesb74]

As far as activities they sound fine. You might just have to ask him point blank if there is anything he would like to do. As far as getting to know him better. It really sounds like the car ride is the best place. Your going to have to basically drag info out of him. Your will probably have to ask him pointed questions of his past and go off from the answers to get to the next one. Basically have to drag it out of him. Also tell him what your thinking and the reasons why your wanting to do this trip. Sorry to go all Dear Abby.

 

[ron169]

I would say maybe throw in at least one camp fire. I dunno what it is about a fire, but I know for me, thats when the stories begin to fly.

 

[6.8Vol]

I would say maybe throw in at least one camp fire. I dunno what it is about a fire, but I know for me, thats when the stories begin to fly.

I wish I had done that with my dad. He died in 1985. He was a B-17 pilot in WWII, and
evidently his plane and crew got shot up pretty bad. Really wouldn't talk much about it.
He was mostly quiet about WWII(but I do have pictures and his uniforms). We'd watch
"12 O'clock High" together sometimes and I could tell something was there and see a smile on his face occasionally. Sometimes my dad would mention places they bombed the Hell out of but would never get too specific. I miss him a lot and wish I could have gotten more of that personal stuff but it wasn't to be. I'm proud as can be of my father.
Maybe a campfire or a long drive will do it. Whatever you try, it's all up to him. Let him be himself and let him know you love him and are proud of him. You just want to know about his part in your family. By the way, your description of your dad fits mine.

 

[mwinter501]

My grandma does this thing where whenever one of her grandsons graduates high school, she takes them on a fun trip wherever they want to go (within reason). I chose to go on a fishing trip to lake of the woods in Ontario. My dad decided to come with us last minute because I was leaving for the army soon after that. When the two of us were out on the boat together, a side of my dad I never knew came out. He told me stories that I never would have thought to hear from him. And he talked to me more man-to-man, not father-to-son. It was really a great trip, and Im glad he came. I think something like that is a great way to get to know him. We drove up from St. Louis so we had a good amount of time in the car without getting sick of eath other. And when your on a boat together, there are no distractions.

 

[rushca01]

I highly suggest you do this even if you have to drag him kicking and screaming. My dad and I have always taken father son trips and each one gets better as I get older. The last one we took was last summer before I got married. The road trip sounds like a good idea, lots of time to talk there. If either are you are outdoorsy kind of people, go on a camping road trip. Find places that offer decent camping that include places to fish, places to hike or has walking trails, take a row boat out etc. You can get those campfire talks and bring something nice to sit back and sip on. I'm not saying to get waisted with your old man, but sit back and have a few drinks like gentlemen. Pick a few places out and travel to each one. Just a thought.

We have done stuff like this, but we have done other stuff too.

 

[ron169]

Im going to say this, but keep in mind im not a father yet, but have you considered bringing your son along also. I know I never really got to know either of my grandfathers, even though I was 13-19 when they died. One lived a few hours north and only saw him on holidays, and the other was the quiet silent type.

 

[rushca01]

Im going to say this, but keep in mind im not a father yet, but have you considered bringing your son along also. I know I never really got to know either of my grandfathers, even though I was 13-19 when they died. One lived a few hours north and only saw him on holidays, and the other was the quiet silent type.

Great idea!

 

[Mark21]

Thanks guys -- all great ideas, esp the campfire. I haven't thought about bringing my son... that is a great idea as well. Will think this over a little bit more and let you know how things go after I get this done sometime this summer.

 

[Sak007]

I'm going through a similar situation with my Grandma ,learning about her life as she is almost 90 & not in the best of health.I know that with my Grandmother she tells me about her life even if i don't ask to hear it , but this is a female trait not specific to just my Grandma. I personally wish i had the chance to to meet or talk to my Grandpas ,one died before i was born and the other had had several stroked by the time i was born so conversation was ...........um not a viable option.I Think that a good conversation about his life is as easy as some cold beers & a nice bottle of of whiskey.Than again that might open the floodgates , just a suggestion.Also shoot guns!

 

[shooter_gregg]

If at all possible record it in some way. I was told stories of my relatives that were funny and insightful, but I can't remember them that well. Try videotaping as it catches the expressions. Not to make a big production of it. I miss all those old stories. Your dad has history to record. Was he was a holocaust survivor? How did he survive? What was it like during that time? He is a treasure.

 

[Mark21]

Camera idea is good too... maybe set it up near a campfire after a long day and some booze... could be gold.

Here's a story he told me recently when I was talking about rifles... said that after one three day battle in Poland between the Germans and Russians, he and several of his then-12-year old friends went to the battlefield after it was over where there were dozens of burned out tanks and hundreds of casualties everywhere. I asked that he did -- he laughed and said what any 12 year old would do... started shooting the MG-42s, climbing on tanks (but not in them because he said most had burned crews inside), and throwing grenades. Said a friend of his picked up a mortar round and suddenly there was a big explosion and "little Tomek" was gone, replaced by a cloud of red vapor. Wow... That's some wild stuff... Makes me feel like I have no idea what true hardship really is. And prob why I need to have a camera to record these things.

Thanks again for all the ideas fellas.